Week 6 at Recurse Center: Halfway point!11 May 2018
“Stay true to your course, despite the visible obstacles ahead.”
Started this week struggling to understand where I belong, in physical space and in my personal and professional lives (which, as every practicing archivist knows, are often very closely intertwined in a way that isn’t healthy). I feel like I fit into this space that I’m in now, which is rare, but where do I fit, long-term, after this? I’m at a juncture where I am not sure if I am going to (or can) continue working in the field that I’ve been in and have felt very committed to for a long time. Can I continue to do this work, and moreso should I? What I love doing more than anything isn’t necessarily healthy for me to do.
This week, I spent a lot of time talking to other people and learning about what they are up to and remembering that that is important too. Especially because this is the last week I have with half of the people I met six weeks ago. I’ve been thinking about what I am not choosing to pursue at RC, intentionally: giving presentations, event-planning, etc. I am trying to do things I know I am uncomfortable with while in a delicate space where it is intentionally safe to try new, hard things, and I am comfortable with all the community-building aspects of work/labor. And this doesn’t stop me from doing it: I formed a Rust study group and gave a presentation on Internet Girlfriend Club, but I am not seeking out these things in a way I might do normally because I am already naturally inclined to do them.
On Tuesday, I woke up feeling great and then that mood started to diminish rapidly. I bought a lavender latte and right before I went to drink it, I thought “This is a treat, take a deep breath, this day is going to be okay.” Then I proceeding to spill the latte all over my shirt and pants because the lid wasn’t on properly. Anyway, Tuesday got weirder from there, with multiple very weird not-bad not-good pieces of news coming my way that affected me personally.
In terms of working and productivity, I have been feeling like I’ve hit my stride this week in terms of projects, pace, and balance in all aspects of my life (despite not overall getting much “done” this week). Although having just lost half my new pals, and with next week being special and the week after being an influx of 50% new people, I wonder if my stride will get disrupted? And is that a bad thing? Probably not, right? It’s good to stay on one’s toes?
Next week is a week off, although because !!Con is this weekend and alumni week is next week, I think it’ll be even more of a week on than a normal week and I’m anticipating being overwhelmed in a good way.